Simpsons Porn Story: Opposites Attract Chapter 1

Opposites Attract

A Lisa Simpson love story

Summary:
When Lisa Simpson orders a hematite bracelet on the internet, she
unleashes its potential and she finds that she is literally a human
compass. After accidentally directing the Earths magnetic field by
adjusting the bracelet, strange things happen: All boys are attracted
to her- and an apocalypse is about to occur! Can Lisa find out what
is happening to her before the unthinkable happens?

Chalkboard
Gag:

I
AM NOT AL GORE
I AM NOT AL GORE

(The
Simpsons family are trapped on a desert island. The couch is right in
front of them. Homer runs towards the couch, but gets eaten by a
dinosaur, Marge gets tripped over by Bart, but they are caught by the
cannibals, Maggie and Lisa are the only ones left They sit on the
couch as they are surrounded by jungle animals)

As
the school bell rang, Lisa knew it was time to go She slid from
her seat as the raucous children of Springfield Elementary yelled in
delight!

YAY!
Schools out! they shouted as they rushed out the door. She
groaned inwardly: Must school end so quickly? She walked towards the
door as her brother, Bart made faces at her.
Hey Lis! Look, no
hands! he said as he progressed to do a wheelie on his green
skateboard. Lisa ignored him: Doesnt he ever grow up! She
fumed as she reached her house on Evergreen Terrace. She opened the
door as Homer lumbered, saying Good morning, Lisa! He gave her
a kiss.
Dad! Its afternoon! she responded. A weird
cross-eyed expression went over his face.

DOH!
He finally responded, slapping his head. Lisa giggled- just like Bart
was doing at the same time. Lisa, honey, hows school? he
said.
It was wonderful! Mrs. Hoover said that we have a project
to do on minerals and gems due Friday. I have to do some research
upstairs! She ran all the way upstairs, planning to work on her
computer.

Later,
Lisa was typing hematite into her search engine
(
when she noticed that the screen froze. Thinking that was highly
unusual, she tried to restart the computer, but the same thing
happened. Suddenly, she noticed a box at the top of the screen:
ACCESS DENIED in big red letters. She pressed the Back button,
but then she accidentally sent an order for a bracelet made out of
hematite that cost US $75! She was very annoyed!

Five
weeks later, the doorbell rang; it was early in the morning A
black box arrived and the delivery man was requesting for his
payment A disgruntled Homer argued with him and this is a rough
transcript of the conversation:

Delivery
for Lisa Simpson! A hematite bracelet made from pure magnetic ore!
said Nelson Muntz. Homer opened the door.
What the-?.
Suspiciously Homer said, Where did she get that from?
Nelson
shrugged I dunno, anyway itll cost you $3,390 plus delivery!

WHAT!
Im not paying for the bracelet! shouted Homer angrily.

Heres
the form which you have to fill out Nelson replied as Homer
fills it out not realizing he had been conned. Ha, ha! laughed
Nelson, Youve just been tricked! This form legalizes the
delivery! Nelson runs away as Homer chases him out of the front
yard, screaming like a maniac! AARRGHH! Ill get you for this!

Meanwhile,
Lisa had just awoken from her beauty sleep (the one that keeps her
young, that is why the Simpsons never age!) and went downstairs.
She opened the door and noticed the black box The young eight year
old girl opened the plain box and gasped. Inside was the most
elaborate bracelet ever created. It was pure hematite and was jet
black and heavy with ore. It had an eternal snake symbol on the clip
as it gleamed like a polished jewel It was like a clasped wrist
band. Lisa put on the bracelet and it glowed briefly It seemed to
draw its energy from her and she felt it channelling the power into
eternity. Instantly, she felt refreshed and exuberant, though she
didnt know why…

Lisa
stared at the window. Suddenly, she knew how she had changed! She
knew how to find places which she never heard of before (like Rwanda)
without being told and (better still) she knew how to find
people/animals that were lost and never found! Lisa felt excited; she
never had this power before But she has to keep it a secret,
nobody would ever know Just as she was about to walk upstairs, the
mysterious bracelet fell off her wrist with a CLUNK on the
green carpet. Annoyed, Lisa put it back on her wrist, but she
accidentally pressed the symbol of the snake. It glowed a vivid green
briefly before returning to normal